Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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