I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
that's an acceptable place to lick
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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