i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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