i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
