Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
