fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
