Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i can't believe i had my finger in that
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
