i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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