I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
