it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
