i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
