I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can't turn off my feet"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
