You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
being pregnant is like rehab
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
