I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
