Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
only you would photoshop your dick
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
