I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Vodka?
Forever.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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