i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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