I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
