Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Randomize
