omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
