If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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