my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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