cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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