First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
