I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
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btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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