Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Please, let me fuck your mom
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Randomize
