I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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