I cockslap morals
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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