I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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