Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
