Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The power of my boobs compel you
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
