i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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