Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
