I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
