My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
