I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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