I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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