While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
