At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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