dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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