Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
