Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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