wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
