I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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