I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
