I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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