Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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