sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
this is an emotional support booty call
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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