Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
