The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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