I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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