if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
