I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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