nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
