He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
