Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
