if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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