i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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