i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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