I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
