The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
