Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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