I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
