Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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