every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
