I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
