so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It was like getting head from an anaconda
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
