shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
